Excerpt from my novel FATE.
Hard to Be a Woman
As for the women in the village, they saw the mood changes taking place in their menfolk when they
could not go to sea. Women, often with limited influence both within and beyond
their cottages, would turn to prayer for solace and comfort, allowing them to
voice their hopes, fears, and desires. It was where they felt they had their
say, and besides, it was what they did best at times, when prayer served as a
vital outlet for their emotions and aspirations.
Praying for the
intervention of a Divine to direct nature itself, so human nature could benefit
from a Divine Nature so they could work in nature.
If the women prayed, no
doubt God Himself was listening, and the men were quite happy to leave that
responsibility to the women. Siding with the compassionate forces of God is
undoubtedly more advantageous than siding with the malevolent influence of Lucifer,
who would be biding his time for an opportunity to assert his power. And that
too was always debated in the Men-Only bar, with the unfortunate undertaker
being put through the wringer as being suspect in having answers … because he
was closer to Death than any other walking man in the village.
But hope and silent prayers
are what kept the women buoyant.
Hard to be a woman.
The women would pray with
all their will in the expectancy that the weather would break sooner rather
than later, so their menfolk could go to sea. The weather served as a crucial
backdrop in maintaining harmony between husbands and wives during prolonged
periods of their men being on shore. It could either foster a sense of unity or
exacerbate tensions between spouses. Coupled indoors, frustrations might
surface more readily in a small cottage, with children running hyper, sensing
the mood swings between adults, with some being scared into thinking that the
bogeyman would come knocking at the door if they did not keep quiet.
Hard to be a woman.
Women are apprehensive
creatures by nature, just like most women would be when their menfolk go to sea
for long periods. This instinctive wariness can be attributed to a variety of
factors. The inherent dangers associated with life at sea, the uncertainty of
their husband’s safety, the emotional strain of everlasting separation in
death, and having to rear the children on their own. Also, the absence of
regular communication during such extended periods at sea can exacerbate
feelings of isolation and worry, as women may find their minds running away
with their worst fears when on their own.
Hard to be a woman.
It was a complex interplay
of love that may not have been spoken about in a long time, and the instinctual
desire to protect those they held dear. They loathed it even more when their
menfolk were ashore for longer spells due to the weather or an ailment, but
they knew it was a more callous attitude to try to change their men and their
ways. Men who face the dangers of the sea and their family commitments are put
to the daily test once they wake up to face another day. Some women tried. But
they knew how dangerous it was to be a whaler, and how lonely it was to be a
whaler’s widow. They endured it all in silence as part of their fate and God’s
will. Otherwise, what to do?
It was hard to be a woman.
Everything regarding the
family fell to the women. They were strong and self-sufficient. These women of
the whaling village managed alone in keeping the family together when their
menfolk were at sea, acting as decision-makers and carers of children, goats,
hens, and maybe a milking cow, and some women had the extra burden of a widowed
parent to care for. When the women were not mending nets, collecting shellfish
or seaweed along the shore, or processing the catches from the fishing boats
when they returned, it was all done while trying to keep kids fed with scarce
cash in circulation. It was a daily juggling situation in any household, always
left to the woman of the house, bean an tÃ, to do the necessary, even
when the men were on shore.
Men had other worries on
their minds.
On a good day, Brewis,
which was made up of stockfish and hard soda bread, and if luck were to come
knocking, salted pork, was bought with cash or bartered from the local midwife,
who bred and butchered domestic pigs alongside her other unsavory activities.
That's another story to be
told later.
Brewis could be relied on
to keep hunger down, but trying to keep a roof over their heads was always
challenging for everyone. It’s not that they had mortgages to pay off, because
the majority of the cottages were passed down in families from father to eldest
son.
But it was hard to be a
woman.
It was all about keeping
the family together under one roof, which brought stress levels up between
husband and wife. Couples who might have started married life out in a love
relationship were the rare few you could count on one hand. Rarely would 'love'
last until death-do-you-part in any relationship that had more to endure when
rearing a family in a whaling village where superstitions could still have a
say, with a Jinx of Retribution running around. And God Himself would have a
say if He wanted to take a child or two. Reaching old age together as husband
and wife was a miracle in itself.
As time progresses in a
relationship, an increasing number of couples find themselves struggling to
maintain the deep emotional connection that initially characterized their
relationship. The passionate love that once flourished, if it was there, often
declined, leading to a situation where partners began to rely on a more
superficial understanding of companionship and God Himself. When a marriage
resembles an unspoken agreement, where physical presence and shared
responsibilities take precedence over genuine emotional intimacy ... that’s
when Lucifer will show himself.
It was hard to be a woman.
Many couples clung to the
hope that the spark of love would reignite, yet they often discovered that the
complexities of life and the passage of time had dulled the vibrancy of their
initial feelings, and it was bye-bye love, dissolving into a mere coexistence
marked by routine relations rather than the heartfelt connection that once
defined their bond. If the truth were to be disclosed in the open, in all its
ugly nakedness, that most men and women were providing for their future by
keeping loneliness at arm’s length by getting married, there might be a better
understanding between couples where pride could stand in the way of love.
Should the reality be told.
However, when the accepted
myths of a relationship backfired, and the proven reality of marriage showed
its face, the ability for love, in any of its many disguises, was hard to come
by. Men and women were then at a total loss for how to navigate their way
through their sentiments. But few couples would talk about their first feelings
for each other after getting married, in doing what everybody else did, in
having children. So … they got married for the sake of having that
companionship in life. Love or no love.
It was what was expected of
them if they did not want to be scrutinized in local gossip as being abnormal.
But if a man decided to live as a bachelor, it was often viewed with unspoken
envy by other men in the village. If a woman ended up in her lifetime as a
spinster, and not by her own choosing, it was typically met with sympathy from
other women, and by some with jealousy.
It was hard to be a woman.
Some marriages could, and
some did with hindsight, evolve into a day-by-day tolerable partnership 'for
the sake of the children'. Just like their parents, and their parents before
them, they had to tolerate their humanness within a relationship where survival,
in its true meaning, was put to the test every day. And so it was that couples
waited for that deliverance until death-do-them-part made its choice on who was
to die first.
And just like the
sparrowhawk that hovers over her nest, where the not-so-foolish cuckoo, in its
instinct for its young’s survival, has taken up occupancy with the sparrowhawk
... who is obliged by its very nature to feed the young cuckoo ... men and women
enter into the bond of marriage in the same way. It came with its problems, but
if a solution is found, it will likely create its own problems too.
Marriage was a blessing and
a curse, and it all depended on God Himself … so the women would tell you.
Life was not so different
from the life of a sparrowhawk and a cuckoo for a man and a woman.
Hard to be a woman.